"Par for the Course/Transcript"
Issue 2
Par For The Course title card
Digital Release: December 18, 2013
Printed Release: December 18, 2013
Writer: Merrill Hagan
Art by: Jorge Corona
"Food Fright"
"Idol Hands"
Beast Boy (featured)
Cyborg (featured)
Robin (featured)
The Riddler
Crisis in 18 Holes
Plot Point
Mini-golf Bet
This transcript is complete.


[The first panel shows the nightime sky at a miniature golf course with Robin chasing a pterodactyl transformed Beast Boy, wrapping the dinosaur's legs with a birdarang.]

Robin: That's it! You're going down!

Beast Boy: [As a pterodactyl.] Whoa, dude! What are you attacking me for?

Robin: There's no way you got that hole-in-one on your own!

Beast Boy: Robin! Are you accusing me of cheating?

[Robin's flashback shows Beast Boy transforming into a pterodactyl and flapping his wings to move a golf ball into the hole.]

Robin: [Off-panel.] Your shot was nowhere near the hole! But then you turned into a pterodactyl and flapped your wings and blew the ball right in for the hole-in-one!

[Flashback ends as Beast Boy returns to his human self.]


Beast Boy: I get it, bro. You're just upset because you know I'm one step closer to winning the bet! Because when I win, [Holds Robin's cape, causing him to break the golf club.] I get your cape. There are just so many possibilities, Robin ... I could use it as a towel! [Imagines drying himself with Robin's cape.] Or maybe a hotly anticipated costume upgrade! [Imagines himself as a gorilla wearing Robin's cape.] Nah -- I'll probably just cut it into pieces and use it as confetti to celebrate the next time Speedy does something better than you. [Imagines using the cape as confetti as Speedy smirks while Robin cries.]

Robin: No way, Beast Boy! You're just cheating because of the bet YOU made! Because when I win ...... I get to turn your room into my dojo! But don't worry -- I've got a dog crate with your name on it.

Beast Boy: [Imagines himself in a dog crate.] Dude! Don't even joke about crating me! I slept in one while I was being potty trained ... so many dark memories ...

Robin: Well, regardless, my cape is safe!

Raven: It's just a cape Robin ... what do you care?

Robin: Just a cape? All of the coolest superheroes wear capes! [Off-screen, imagines Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman.] Batman ... Superman. Wonder Woman on formal occasions. [Imagines himself with a long neck.] Plus, the cape distracts from the fact that I have a really weird-looking neck.

[A golf ball hits a statue of Darkseid.]

Starfire: Yes! I have vanquished the golf guardian and have conquered this hole! Now to destroy this hole on my march to victory!

Raven: Wait, Starfire. That's not how you play mini golf. You're supposed to tap the ball into the hole like this. [Uses powers to demonstrate.]

Starfire: I do not understand ... if it is so simple, then why have the boys been arguing all day?

Raven: Because they made a bet. And betting turns people into idiots ... not that they were far off to begin with. C'mon, mini golf is pointless, anyway. Let's hit the arcade.

[Raven leads Starfire to Eddie's Arcade as Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg continue to argue.]

Beast Boy: I believe the winner of the last hole gets to play first on the next one ...[Turns into an elephant and prepares to shoot.] so, time to tee up ...

Robin: What?!? How is this fair at all?

Cyborg: Beast Boy's just using his natural abilities!

Robin: He's using his trunk! It's the same as throwing the ball!

Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Oh, so you want me to not use all of my abilities just to make it more fair for you? I see how it is.

Robin: Fine. If that's how you want to play, let's do it.

Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Of course.

[Beast Boy uses the trunk to shoot the ball into the air.]

Cyborg: You got it! You got it!

[A birdarang cuts the golf ball in half.]

Robin: Whoops! I was just using my natural abilities and I accidentally split your golf ball with my birdarang. My bad.

Beast Boy: [As an elephant, held back by Cyborg.] Total cheat move, dude!

Robin: Oh, so it's not cheating when you turn into a giant elephant?

Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] I can't help that I can turn into an elephant!

[Cyborg holds Beast Boy and Robin back.]

Cyborg: Guys! We don't want to turn this into a death match!

Robin and Beast Boy [Beast Boy is transformed as an elephant.] YES, WE DO!

Cyborg: Hmm. Maybe we should revise the bet ...

[Starfire and Raven reach Eddie's Arcade.]

Starfire: There are so many games here, Raven. Which one are we looking for?

[Raven approaches a claw machine game with Pretty Pretty Pegasus dolls.]

Raven: This is it.

Starfire: OOOH! The machine of claws! What is the objective of this game?

Raven: [Using her powers to levitate a doll out of the machine.] You're supposed to get one of the dolls to come out of the machine. And there we go. Victory complete.

Starfire: But where does the claw come in?

Raven: [Cuddling with Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll.] Beats me.

[Beast Boy and Robin discuss the new bet.]

Beast Boy: So, in the new bet, if I win, I want your cape and I want your utility belt.

Robin: Fine. But if I win, I get your room and you have to give up electronics for a month!

Beast Boy: Fine.

[Robin and Beast Boy shake hands.]

Robin: ... which includes Cyborg.

Beast Boy: Not cool!

Cyborg: But I'm not electronic!

Robin: You're half electronic.

Cyborg: Yeah, well you're full jerk!

Beast Boy: I'm gonna use your cape as toilet paper.

Robin: Come at me, bro.

Cyborg: Gentlemen, the game is mini golf. No restrictions on powers! No restrictions on weapons! No rules ... no mercy.

[Robin's ball is blocked by a hippo transformed Beast Boy.]

Beast Boy: [As a hippo.] Oops. Did I block you there?

[Robin replaces a golf ball with a smoke pellet to obscure Beast Boy's vision.]

Robin: How did one of my smoke pellets replace your golf ball? My bad!

Beast Boy: [As a skunk, sprays Robin's face.] Hey, Robin! YOU STINK!

Robin: [Punches Beast Boy.] Oops! I accidentally punched you in the face. That's on me!

[Robin and Beast Boy, tired and beat up, reach the last hole.]

Beast Boy: Last hole, Rob! There's no way you're gonna win this!

Robin: Can it dog breath! The bet's mine!

Starfire: [Off-panel.] STOP! [Starfire and Raven approach the boys.] I would like to enter the contest. Under one condition ... if I win, all former bets are null and you two must go back to being friends!

Cyborg: ... I'll allow it. [Blows whistle.]

Robin and Beast Boy WHAT?!

Cyborg: I ain't your puppet, man!

[Starfire raises the golf club and hits the golf ball. It approaches the hole, but stops before entering.]

Cyborg: Oh, man! So close!

[Starfire's eyes glow green as a giant explosion rocks the golf course. When it clears, the hole is obliterated and the Titans, save Starfire, are covered in gray.]

Starfire: I did it! I made a one-in-the hole!

The Riddler [Off-panel.] WHAT DID YOU DO? [Approaches the Titans.] My course! My ultimate riddle! You've ruined it! Do you know how much time it took me to construct this confounding contraption?! A lot! [To Raven.] And did you steal that Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll from my claw machine?

Raven: UM ...

The Riddler Riddle me this, Titans! Guess who's getting BANNED FOR LIFE? It's you in case that wasn't clear.

[Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Raven are sitting on the curb outside the mini golf course, Crisis in 18 Holes.]

Cyborg: Well, that ended badly.

Robin: Wait - Raven? Couldn't you just use your powers to repair the course?

Beast Boy: Yeah! You could totally fix this!

Raven: Don't bet on it.

Comic ends.

See also