|"Par for the Course/Transcript"|
| Issue 2|
|Digital Release:||December 18, 2013|
|Printed Release:||December 18, 2013|
|Art by:||Jorge Corona|
Beast Boy (featured)
Crisis in 18 Holes
|This transcript is complete.|
[The first panel shows the nightime sky at a miniature golf course with Robin chasing a pterodactyl transformed Beast Boy, wrapping the dinosaur's legs with a birdarang.]
Robin: That's it! You're going down!
Beast Boy: [As a pterodactyl.] Whoa, dude! What are you attacking me for?
Robin: There's no way you got that hole-in-one on your own!
Beast Boy: Robin! Are you accusing me of cheating?
[Robin's flashback shows Beast Boy transforming into a pterodactyl and flapping his wings to move a golf ball into the hole.]
Robin: [Off-panel.] Your shot was nowhere near the hole! But then you turned into a pterodactyl and flapped your wings and blew the ball right in for the hole-in-one!
[Flashback ends as Beast Boy returns to his human self.]
Robin: YOU TOTALLY CHEATED!
Beast Boy: I get it, bro. You're just upset because you know I'm one step closer to winning the bet! Because when I win, [Holds Robin's cape, causing him to break the golf club.] I get your cape. There are just so many possibilities, Robin ... I could use it as a towel! [Imagines drying himself with Robin's cape.] Or maybe a hotly anticipated costume upgrade! [Imagines himself as a gorilla wearing Robin's cape.] Nah -- I'll probably just cut it into pieces and use it as confetti to celebrate the next time Speedy does something better than you. [Imagines using the cape as confetti as Speedy smirks while Robin cries.]
Robin: No way, Beast Boy! You're just cheating because of the bet YOU made! Because when I win ...... I get to turn your room into my dojo! But don't worry -- I've got a dog crate with your name on it.
Beast Boy: [Imagines himself in a dog crate.] Dude! Don't even joke about crating me! I slept in one while I was being potty trained ... so many dark memories ...
Robin: Well, regardless, my cape is safe!
Raven: It's just a cape Robin ... what do you care?
Robin: Just a cape? All of the coolest superheroes wear capes! [Off-screen, imagines Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman.] Batman ... Superman. Wonder Woman on formal occasions. [Imagines himself with a long neck.] Plus, the cape distracts from the fact that I have a really weird-looking neck.
[A golf ball hits a statue of Darkseid.]
Starfire: Yes! I have vanquished the golf guardian and have conquered this hole! Now to destroy this hole on my march to victory!
Raven: Wait, Starfire. That's not how you play mini golf. You're supposed to tap the ball into the hole like this. [Uses powers to demonstrate.]
Starfire: I do not understand ... if it is so simple, then why have the boys been arguing all day?
Raven: Because they made a bet. And betting turns people into idiots ... not that they were far off to begin with. C'mon, mini golf is pointless, anyway. Let's hit the arcade.
[Raven leads Starfire to Eddie's Arcade as Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg continue to argue.]
Beast Boy: I believe the winner of the last hole gets to play first on the next one ...[Turns into an elephant and prepares to shoot.] so, time to tee up ...
Robin: What?!? How is this fair at all?
Cyborg: Beast Boy's just using his natural abilities!
Robin: He's using his trunk! It's the same as throwing the ball!
Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Oh, so you want me to not use all of my abilities just to make it more fair for you? I see how it is.
Robin: Fine. If that's how you want to play, let's do it.
Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] Of course.
[Beast Boy uses the trunk to shoot the ball into the air.]
Cyborg: You got it! You got it!
[A birdarang cuts the golf ball in half.]
Robin: Whoops! I was just using my natural abilities and I accidentally split your golf ball with my birdarang. My bad.
Beast Boy: [As an elephant, held back by Cyborg.] Total cheat move, dude!
Robin: Oh, so it's not cheating when you turn into a giant elephant?
Beast Boy: [As an elephant.] I can't help that I can turn into an elephant!
[Cyborg holds Beast Boy and Robin back.]
Cyborg: Guys! We don't want to turn this into a death match!
Robin and Beast Boy [Beast Boy is transformed as an elephant.] YES, WE DO!
Cyborg: Hmm. Maybe we should revise the bet ...
[Starfire and Raven reach Eddie's Arcade.]
Starfire: There are so many games here, Raven. Which one are we looking for?
[Raven approaches a claw machine game with Pretty Pretty Pegasus dolls.]
Raven: This is it.
Starfire: OOOH! The machine of claws! What is the objective of this game?
Raven: [Using her powers to levitate a doll out of the machine.] You're supposed to get one of the dolls to come out of the machine. And there we go. Victory complete.
Starfire: But where does the claw come in?
Raven: [Cuddling with Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll.] Beats me.
[Beast Boy and Robin discuss the new bet.]
Beast Boy: So, in the new bet, if I win, I want your cape and I want your utility belt.
Robin: Fine. But if I win, I get your room and you have to give up electronics for a month!
Beast Boy: Fine.
[Robin and Beast Boy shake hands.]
Robin: ... which includes Cyborg.
Beast Boy: Not cool!
Cyborg: But I'm not electronic!
Robin: You're half electronic.
Cyborg: Yeah, well you're full jerk!
Beast Boy: I'm gonna use your cape as toilet paper.
Robin: Come at me, bro.
Cyborg: Gentlemen, the game is mini golf. No restrictions on powers! No restrictions on weapons! No rules ... no mercy.
[Robin's ball is blocked by a hippo transformed Beast Boy.]
Beast Boy: [As a hippo.] Oops. Did I block you there?
[Robin replaces a golf ball with a smoke pellet to obscure Beast Boy's vision.]
Robin: How did one of my smoke pellets replace your golf ball? My bad!
Beast Boy: [As a skunk, sprays Robin's face.] Hey, Robin! YOU STINK!
Robin: [Punches Beast Boy.] Oops! I accidentally punched you in the face. That's on me!
[Robin and Beast Boy, tired and beat up, reach the last hole.]
Beast Boy: Last hole, Rob! There's no way you're gonna win this!
Robin: Can it dog breath! The bet's mine!
Starfire: [Off-panel.] STOP! [Starfire and Raven approach the boys.] I would like to enter the contest. Under one condition ... if I win, all former bets are null and you two must go back to being friends!
Cyborg: ... I'll allow it. [Blows whistle.]
Robin and Beast Boy WHAT?!
Cyborg: I ain't your puppet, man!
[Starfire raises the golf club and hits the golf ball. It approaches the hole, but stops before entering.]
Cyborg: Oh, man! So close!
[Starfire's eyes glow green as a giant explosion rocks the golf course. When it clears, the hole is obliterated and the Titans, save Starfire, are covered in gray.]
Starfire: I did it! I made a one-in-the hole!
The Riddler [Off-panel.] WHAT DID YOU DO? [Approaches the Titans.] My course! My ultimate riddle! You've ruined it! Do you know how much time it took me to construct this confounding contraption?! A lot! [To Raven.] And did you steal that Pretty Pretty Pegasus doll from my claw machine?
Raven: UM ...
The Riddler Riddle me this, Titans! Guess who's getting BANNED FOR LIFE? It's you in case that wasn't clear.
[Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Raven are sitting on the curb outside the mini golf course, Crisis in 18 Holes.]
Cyborg: Well, that ended badly.
Robin: Wait - Raven? Couldn't you just use your powers to repair the course?
Beast Boy: Yeah! You could totally fix this!
Raven: Don't bet on it.