This article is a transcript of the Teen Titans Go! episode "Driver's Ed" from season 1, which aired on April 30, 2013.

Beast Boy
Titans Tower
Jump City
Plot Point
Driver's ed
This transcript is complete.


Interior. Titans Tower. Monday.
Beast Boy is playing a video game in his bedroom. He has just reached the Ultimate Boss.
Beast Boy: This is gonna be the greatest achievement of my life.
Beast Boy starts fighting the Ultimate Boss. He's managing to avoid the Ultimate Boss's attacks and has knocked the boss's health down to nearly zero. Suddenly, Robin kicks Beast Boy's door down.
Robin: Beast Boy! Emergency! No time to explain! Come on, get in the car! Gotta go!
Beast Boy drops the controller and follows Robin. The Ultimate Boss destroys his character, and the words "YOU ARE DIE" appear on the screen.
Jump City.
Beast Boy is driving Robin in the T-Car.
Beast Boy: What's the emergency?
Robin: Got a monster to deal with. [They stop at BurgerSplode!] A monster case of the munchies! Cheeseburger, fries, milkshake, and a small side salad, stat!
Unintelligible language is heard from the drive thru speaker. Beast Boy looks annoyed.
Interior. Titans Tower. Tuesday.
Cyborg is running a backup on his computer memory. It's only at 14%.
Cyborg: Man, these backups seem like they take longer every week.
Robin: [Enters.] Cyborg! Emergency! No time to explain! Come on, get in the car! We've gotta go!
Robin pulls Cyborg away from his computer. When the plug pops out, a "Warning" "Data Lost!" error appears on the screen. Cyborg is shown driving Robin.
Exterior. Game Bear.
Robin: Check it out. Dog Simulator 2000.
Cyborg, looking annoyed, smacks the game out of Robin's hand.
Interior. Titans Tower. Wednesday.
Starfire is picking berries off an alien plant. Silkie reaches for them.
Starfire: You cannot eat the berries, Silkie. They are bad for you. Yes, they are. Oh, yes, they are.
Robin: [Crashes in through the window.] Starfire! Emergency! No time to explain! Come on, get in the car! We've gotta go!
Robin grabs Starfire and pulls her off the chair. Silkie takes advantage of this to devour the berries and the pot containing them. As a result, Silkie bloats up horribly.
Exterior. The Cave.
Starfire is parked and Robin rushes to the establishment.
Robin: Pick me up in an hour! Thank you!
Starfire growls angrily, her eyes glowing green.
Interior. Titans Tower. Thursday.
Raven is fending off a demon that is trying to appear through a portal in her room.
Raven: Back, foul demon! [Blasts it with dark magic.] Azarath Metrion Zin -
A buzzing sound is heard, and a piece of the ceiling drops in.
Robin: [Through the hole in the ceiling.] Raven! Emergency! No time to explain! Come on, get in the car, we gotta go!
Robin drops in, grabs Raven, and uses his grapple to leave through the hole. The demon looks around, then escapes.
The beach.
Robin grabs a surfboard out of the T-Car and rushes to the waves. Raven goes demonic with rage.
Exterior. Titans Tower. Friday.
The escaped demon eats the seagull outside the tower.
Interior. Titans Tower.
In the living room, Raven is meditating, Beast Boy is asleep on the couch arm as a cat, Cyborg is using a tablet, and Starfire is holding Silkie, who is still bloated. A smoke bomb flies in and goes off, revealing Robin.
Robin: Guys! Emergency! No time to explain! Come on, get in the car! We've gotta go!
Robin runs off, but none of the other Titans move. Robin returns.
Robin runs off again. The other Titans still don't move. Robin returns again.
Robin: Guys? Heh heh ... Emergency?
Raven: Oh, yeah? So what's the big emergency, Robin?
Robin: [Hesitates a moment, then holds up a flyer.] Everything's half-off at the Dollar Store!
Cyborg: Man, all week you've been bumming rides for stupid stuff. You know you messed up my weekly backup, right? You're lucky I didn't lose any important data.
Starfire: I must agree with Cyborg. It is most irritating.
Cyborg: Thank you. [Suddenly looks confused, and scans Starfire. The identity scan comes up blank. He turns to Robin.] Who's that orange girl? [Suddenly glitches.]
Beast Boy: Why can't you just drive yourself, dude?
Robin: [Hesitantly.] Uh ... my, uh ... [Clears throat.] My license was ... suspended.
Beast Boy: [Turns back to normal with a yowl.] What?!
Robin: Yeah, ah ... I was in a little fender-bender.
Flashback begins.
Robin, on the phone, is standing across the road from the wrecked Batmobile.
Robin: No, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! You don't need to come down! It's just a scratch.
The Batmobile suddenly explodes. Robin drops his phone.
Flashback ends.
Raven: So ... you destroyed the Batmobile.
The others are silent for a while, then Cyborg and Beast Boy start laughing.
Beast Boy: You did not ...
Cyborg: Oh! Ah ... you're in trouble.
Starfire: [Giggles.] It is fun to laugh at someone else's misfortune!
Robin: Anyways... I found a guy on the internet. He says he'll get my license back, no problemo.
Raven: Sounds kinda sketchy, Robin.
Robin: It's on the level. Besides, how can I not pass? I am a master driver! [Gives a thumbs up.]
Exterior. Jump City Bank.
Robin: Well, this is where the driving instructor told me to meet. [Takes a note off a car's window.] "Get in, start engine." Okay.
Robin gets in the car, fastens his seat belt, then turns the ignition key, starting the car. He turns on the radio, then starts changing the station. Finding a song he likes, he starts bobbing his head to the beat. Outside, an alarm bell rings, and Ed runs out with a duffel bag stuffed with money. He sees Robin waiting in the car nearby and runs to it. He tosses the duffel bag of money into the back, grabs a clipboard, and closes the trunk. He gets in the car and fastens his own seatbelt. Robin is car-dancing along with the music. Ed turns the radio off, getting Robin's attention.
Ed: My name is Ed. I'll be your driving instructor.
Robin: Ed? As in "Driver's Ed"? [Chuckles.]
Ed: Just Ed. The way this works is that every time you fail to comply with an instruction, I make a deduction. Too many deductions, you fail.
Robin: Hey, what's that noise? Is that -?
Ed: Pull out into traffic and proceed through the intersection.
Robin: B-but what about -
Ed: And that's a deduction. [Marks the clipboard.]
Robin: Okay. Right, right. I'm going.
Robin pulls away as a police officer runs up. The police officer shoots at the car. Robin looks back, hearing the gunshots.
Robin: I swear that sounds like -
Ed: Eyes front.
Robin: Sorry.
Ed: That's a deduction. [Marks again.] Left here.
Jump City.
Robin turns the car.
Ed: No signal. Another deduction.
Robin: Oh man ...
Ed looks back, seeing police cars coming in pursuit.
Ed: Increase your speed.
Robin: If you say so.
Ed: Now turn right.
Robin makes the turn, followed by the police.
Robin: Are you sure -
Ed: Deduction. Left.
A dog is about to pee on a fire hydrant, when Robin hits the accelerator and is launched over the dog and its owner.
Ed: Deduction. Hard right.
Robin drives back past the dog and his owner, sending them spinning. The police follow, sending them spinning again, until the dog is holding the leash on the owner.
Ed: Turn right.
Robin: [Notices the ocean is to their right.] But there's no -
Ed: Two deductions. Hard right.
Robin turns the car to the right, sending them through a guardrail and dropping into the ocean. The cops stop at the edge above.
Ed: I think we're finished here.
Robin: So? How did I do?
Ed hands him the sheet, marked with "Fail."
Interior. Titans Tower.
Raven: So, you failed your Driver's Test?
The other Titans start laughing.
Cyborg: "Master driver," huh?
Starfire: [Giggles.] Laughing at your shortcomings makes us all feel better about ourselves. [Giggles again, then floats over to Robin.] It is okay, Robin. A lot of people fail the test of driving.
Cyborg: Will someone please tell me who this strange woman is?
Behind Cyborg, outside the tower, the demon slithers by.
Robin: Look, I'm a great driver. I'm just ... not a great test taker.
Flashback to Robin taking a vision test.
Robin: L, R, alligator, and blurry spot. [The eye machine lifts away, revealing Robin, without his mask, has very tiny eyes. He walks away, but crashes into the wall.].
Flashback ends.
Robin: The good thing is, I can keep re-taking the test until I pass. And I will pass, because I am a master driver!
Robin poses. No one else reacts. Robin walks away.
Raven: He's gonna fail, isn't he?
Cyborg: Big time.
Exterior. Pawn Dudes.
Robin is in the car outside. Ed runs out with a bag of loot and gets in the car. Robin drives off as a police officer comes out, shooting at the car.
Jump City.
Robin: So last time, I think you freaked me out a little. But now I'm ready. [Reacts in shock to the sound of gunshots.] Did you hear that? That sounds like -
Ed: That's gonna be a--
Robin: Okay, okay! No deductions!
Robin continues driving with the Jump City Police Department's squad cars in pursuit.
Ed: This music is terrible. [Changes the radio station.] That's a deduction.
Robin is coming up on a roadblock. He hits one of the barricades and goes airborne, sailing over the roadblock and landing on the other side.
Ed: [Checks a stopwatch.] Only three seconds in the air? Deduction.
Interior. Food Bear.
Robin drives into Food Bear with the Jump City Police Department still following. Ed has a basket of groceries in the car now, and grabs another item.
Ed: I asked you to turn down the cereal aisle.
Robin: I know. That's a deduction.
A chase montage ensues which ends with all the police cars crashed into one another, and Robin and Ed getting away safely. Robin drives out of Food Bear and stops the car.
Jump City.
Ed: Meet me for a re-take in front of the casino. [Holds up another "Fail" test score.]
Exterior. Casino.
Ed runs out of the casino with a bag of loot and gets in the car. Robin drives off as a policeman runs out and shoots at the car. Robin fails again.
Ed: By the money factory.
Exterior. Money Factory.
Robin once again drives Ed away from a crime scene as a police officer shoots at them. Robin fails yet again.
Ed: At the end of the rainbow.
End of the rainbow.
Ed gets in the car with a pot of gold and Robin drives away. A leprechaun runs out and fires a golden gun at them. A flood of failed tests rains down.
Exterior. Justice Java.
The demon peeks out of the sewer, then ducks back down. The Titans are gathered at one of the tables.
Cyborg: [Focuses his eye on Starfire.] How 'bout you just tell me who you are? [His eye extends further.] We went to school together, right? [Another eye pops out.] You look a lot like my cousin. [More eyes pop out, making Starfire cringe.] Did we eat at the same restaurant the other night?
Raven: Hey, is that Robin?
Across the street, Robin is waiting in the car outside of Diamonds A'Plenty.
Beast Boy: Huh. He's supposed to be meeting his Driver's Ed instructor. I don't know why he's in front of a jewelry store.
They suddenly hear an alarm. Ed runs out with a bag of loot and gets in the car. Robin drives away, as a police officer shoots at them.
Raven: Looks like it's because he's the getaway driver.
Starfire: Surely Robin is not aware he is aiding and abetting a criminal.
Cyborg: Well, that's why we gotta warn him ... whoever you are. [Glitches again.]
Jump City.
Robin hears honking behind him. Looking back, he sees the T-Car and the other Titans trying to get his attention.
Robin: What are they doing here? Oh, they're here to laugh at me. "No superpowers and can't drive." I'll bet that's what they're saying. I'll show them!
Ed: Make a right here.
Robin: Stow it, Ed! I've got this one.
Robin accelerates. Cyborg activates the T-Car's rockets to turn up their own speed. Robin aims his grapple gun out the window and fires it around a lamppost, making a sharp left. The T-Car can't turn in time and crashes into the building across the street. The T-Car is behind Robin again, though. Robin drives for a building, going straight up it. The T-Car smacks into the wall, but then drives up the building itself. The two cars are soon jumping from rooftop to rooftop. They then drive up a slanted roof.
Outer space.
They launch into space. Robin smoothly drives between a trio of asteroids, but the T-Car bounces off them like a pinball. They re-enter the Earth's atmosphere. Cyborg and the others, as well as Ed, are freaking out, but Robin is in complete control.
End of the rainbow.
Robin lands on the rainbow and drives down it, as the T-Car bounces off it. Robin's car bounces off the leprechaun and comes to a perfect stop. The T-Car lands, bouncing and smashing, and settles onto its tires. It then explodes, dropping the Titans to the ground.
Raven: Nice driving, Cyborg.
A tire lands on Cyborg, causing him to glitch out again. The tire impact, however, restores his memory.
Cyborg: Hey, when did Starfire get here?
Ed is badly shaken up, but he hands Robin the results.
Ed: You pass.
Robin: Yes!
Ed: But only because I never want you as a getaway driver again! I was using you the whole time and you couldn't see it!
Robin: Nope! I knew. That's why I'm not warning you about the demon.
Ed is seized by the demon and dragged, screaming, into its portal.
Robin: That's right. Master Driver! [Poses, with fireworks bursting around him.]
Episode ends.