Tooth Fairy's lair
|This transcript is complete.|
- [The episode begins with the pelican sitting on the rock outside Titans Tower. The screen switches to show Cyborg, Raven, Starfire and Beast Boy noisily eating a sticky, green substance.]
- Beast Boy: Mmmm, that's so good.
- Robin: [Enters the kitchen.] Ugh, what are you guys eating?
- Cyborg: Mmm, ah! Beastie made us a cabbage, garlic and onions stew.
- Robin: Ooh, that sounds like a dangerous combination of ingredients.
- Beast Boy: [With green breath.] I like to hit you with flavor.
- Robin: [Groans and burps.]
- Starfire: I think it is the [exhales in Robin's face.] heavenly.
- Raven: [Exhales.]
- Robin: [Covers nose with his cape.] Ooh!
- Raven: Have some.
- Cyborg: [Exhales in Robin's face.] Here you go.
- Robin: [Grabs bowl and throws it.] Enough! [Pants.] Your breath is toxic, Titans. You need to brush now!
- Raven: Okay. [Takes out a brush and throws her hood off.]
- Cyborg: [Brushes the human side of his head.]
- Starfire: [Brushes her hair.]
- Beast Boy: [Uses a comb to brush his hair.]
- Robin: Not your hair, brush your teeth.
- Raven: [Uses the brush on her teeth.] Ahh!
- Cyborg: [Uses the brush on his teeth.] My gums!
- Starfire: [Uses the brush on her teeth.] Ow!
- Beast Boy: [Using a comb to brush his teeth.] Ahh! Scratchy!
- Robin: Tooth brushes!
- Starfire: There are brushes for our tooths?
- Beast Boy: Beats me. I didn't know teeth had hair on 'em until just now.
- Robin: [Slides across the table.] Teeth do not have hair! [Stands.] Brushing your teeth is the cornerstone of good oral hygiene.
- Cyborg: Good? Good? Oral Hygiene was the greatest pitcher in baseball history. Nicknamed "The Bull Dog", Oral Hygiene was known for his slight frame and fierce competitive spirit. A Cy Young Award winner, three time All-Star, World Series Champion, and MVP. He holds the record for 59 consecutive scoreless innings pitch! And you say he was just good!
- Robin: Not that Oral Hygiene, Cyborg. The kind, in here. [Opens Beast Boy's mouth.] Look at this Titans. It's a mess!
- Beast Boy: Aah.
- Robin: [Pulls out a broccoli.] Oh, saving a little snack for later? [Chuckles.] May I?
- Beast Boy: Ahh!
- Robin: [Begins eating the broccoli.] Mmm, delicious. [Chuckles.] I do love broccoli, but not between your teeth! Disgusting! [Throws broccoli at Beast Boy and opens his mouth.] What do we have here?
- Beast Boy: [As Robin pokes a cavity.] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it!
- Robin: Your tooth has a cavity. It needs to be removed.
- Beast Boy: Uh-uh, no way! I loves all my teeth!
- Robin: If we don't remove that tooth, Beast Boy, it will get infected and you will die! [In Beast Boy's face.] Die!
- Beast Boy: So?
- Cyborg: [Takes Robin off of Beast Boy.] Let me explain it to him. Dude, you gotta pop that toothie-tooth outta your face so you can get some of that good money from the tooth fairy.
- Beast Boy: I'm not trading my tooth for a couple of dirty nickels.
- Cyborg: Bro, didn't you hear? The tooth fairy's got that paper money now.
- Beast Boy: Paper money? She can have all my teeths.
- Raven: The tooth fairy? I don't know. Anyone who sneaks into your room at night and collects teeth is a creep.
- Starfire: I always thought the fairy of tooths was sweet.
- Raven: Ah, of course you did. She collects teeth, Starfire, think about it. What is she even doing with all these teeth?
- [The screen displays a tooth fairy that is seen doing the things the Titans are describing.]
- Robin: Normal things. Like, uh, wearing them as jewelry.
- Raven: Ew!
- Cyborg: Maybe she doesn't have her own teeth and is just trying to find some that fit in her mouth.
- Raven: That's even worse.
- Starfire: I believe she dresses the teeth up and plays with them as little toys.
- Raven: [Shudders.]
- [The screen returns to the Titans.]
- Robin: Come on, Raven. You never put a tooth under your pillow when you were a kid?
- Raven: Uh, no. No, I didn't. That's like putting your hair or toe nails under your pillow for money. And I don't do business with creeps.
- Beast Boy: Well, I do. Yo, help me get this tooth out of my face.
- Robin: Gladly. [Takes out his staff and attacks Beast Boy.]
- Beast Boy: [As Robin attacks him.] Ah! Oh! Ah! Oh! [His tooth falls off and he groans.] Sweet. [Chuckles.]
- [Beast Boy places the tooth under his pillow and begins sleeping. A shadowed figure flies up to him and smiles, showing crooked teeth. The next day, Beast Boy wakes up with an alarm and checks under his pillow.]
- Beast Boy: [Sees the money.] Whoa! All this for one tooth? I wish I would've lost more.
- [The Titans are on the couch when Beast Boy, wearing shades, flips onto it, resting one foot on Raven.]
- Cyborg: [Noticing Beast Boy.] Whoo, fresh shades!
- Beast Boy: Thanks, bought'em with some of that good old paper money. [Shows he's missing many teeth.]
- Robin: [Gasps.]
- Cyborg: That is wrong.
- Starfire: [Grabs Beast Boy's mouth.] You look like the Jack of the lanterns.
- Beast Boy: [As Starfire grabs his mouth.] Ahh!
- Starfire: [Lets go of Beast Boy's mouth.]
- Beast Boy: Raven still thinks I'm cute. Right, mama?
- Raven: [Uses soul-self to punch Beast Boy.]
- Beast Boy: Ow! [Grabs a loose tooth.] Sweet. This one's going under the pillow next.
- Robin: Wait a minute. You've been intentionally loosing teeth to get money from the tooth's fairy.
- Beast Boy: So?
- Raven: You don't have a problem with selling your teeth to a woman you don't know who is using them for who knows what?
- Beast Boy: I know you think she's a creep, mama, but I don't like to judge, I just like to get ... [Flashes a jacket and wads of cash.] Paid!
- Starfire: Whoo!
- Robin: I didn't get a stack like that for my baby teeth.
- Beast Boy: That's 'cause she pays more for permanent teeth.
- Cyborg: All of my teeth are permanent.
- Beast Boy: Well, they won't make you any money just laying around in your mouth.
- [Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire each punch their mouth, releasing one tooth each which they grab.]
- Raven: I'm warning you, your teeth are your source of dignity. You sell your teeth and there will be consequences. Creepy, creepy, consequences.
- Cyborg: Whatever, we're gonna be rich!
- [In his room, Robin throws a birdarang that circles back and lands in his teeth. He spits out the projectile and several teeth and places them under his pillow and is given money. In his room, Cyborg creates the Detoother 5000 and presses a button, causing the machine to punch several of his teeth out which he catches in his hand. Starfire flies to space and shoots herself to Earth mouth-first, landing on her face. The Titans spend their money lavishly. Robin dons a sailor suit, Starfire wears jewelry, Cyborg gets gold encrusted armor, and Beast Boy joins them. A title card reads, "15 Teeth Later". Raven is reading a book on the couch.]
- Cyborg: [Laughs manically behind Raven and vanishes when she turns twice.]
- Robin: [Laughs manically behind the couch and then climbs up the wall.]
- Beast Boy: [Slobbering on the couch.]
- Starfire: [Laughs manically as she slides across the floor.]
- Robin: [Pops up.] Guys, this one has teeth. [Takes out pliers.]
- Cyborg: [Holding a hammer.] Teeth!
- Beast Boy: [Holding a mouth mirror and explorer.] Teeth! [Uses the tools to open Raven's mouth.]
- Raven: [Grunts and shoves Beast Boy back.]
- Starfire: [Holding a hand held vacuum.] That toothie. [Sucks Raven's mouth.]
- Raven: [Teleports to the other side of the couch.] Ew, what are you guys doing?
- Cyborg: We sold our teeth.
- Starfire: But we need more of the spending money.
- Beast Boy: Can't we just have a couple of your teeth, mama?
- Robin: We can pay you back in hair [rips out hair.] and toenails. [shakes a jar of toenails.]
- Raven: Ugh, doing business with a creep has turned you into creeps.
- Robin: We're not creeps.
- Raven: Look at yourselves. [Creates a mirror.]
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire: [Put on shades and laugh.] Fresh.
- Raven: [Dissipates the mirror.] Okay, I can't deal with a house of creeps. We're getting your teeth back.
- [Raven covers herself and the others with her soul-self and they teleport to an abandoned alley (with the exception of Sticky Joe) where the Tooth Fairy lives.]
- Raven: This is it, her lair. [Knocks then grunts as she opens the door.]
- [The Titans enter the Tooth Fairy's lair which is filled with piles of teeth and tooth merchandise.]
- Starfire: Ooh, such a charming atmosphere.
- Cyborg: We simply must get the name of her decorators.
- Raven: Hey, creeps, let's just find your teeth and get out of here.
- [The Titans split up and look at different piles.]
- Beast Boy: [Slobbers on a tooth while he looks around. Looks down.] Oh, this one's still wet. [Picks up tooth.]
- Robin: [Pops out from a pile of teeth wearing teeth accessories.] Don't I look glamorous?
- Cyborg: [Shoves teeth into Robin.] Look at that winning smile.
- Starfire: [Playing with teeth.] Mr. Tooth, would you like some tea? Oh, yes, thank you.
- Raven: Focus!
- Tooth: [Enters.] Ah, visitors! Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Beast Boy: [Whispers to Robin.] That's the fairy?
- Raven: We're the Teen Titans.
- Tooth: No need for introduction. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. [Taps wand, causing his clothes to change.] We've met, while you were sleeping. Yes, I wiggled my fingers under all of your pillows to extract the pearly treasures held under them. [Creates teeth that resemble the Titans and grabs them.] Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. All except you, Raven. You never gave me your precious teeth. It made me covet them even more. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Raven: Ugh, I'd never sell my teeth to some creep. I don't even know what you do to them.
- Tooth: Isn't it obvious?
- Robin: Jewelry?
- Tooth: Disgusting!
- Cyborg: Tooth replacements?
- Tooth: No need. [Shows off teeth.] Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Starfire: Do you dress them up and play with them like dolls?
- Tooth: I am not a monster. I do what any normal person would do with teeth. I eat them. [Chomps on teeth.] Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Raven: [Groans in disgust.] I knew you were a creep. Just give us our teeth back.
- Tooth: [Gulps.] I paid good money for those teeth. I might be willing to trade them for a set that has been missing from my collection. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Raven: No way.
- Tooth: How about a game then? Hmm? I win, I get your pearly whites. You win, your friends get theirs back.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin, Starfire: [Slobbering.]
- Raven: [Sighs.] I accept.
- Tooth: Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. The game is ... an eating competition.
- Raven: Ugh! Don't tell me we're eating ...
- Tooth: Teeth! Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. What else are we going to do with them? The competition begins now.
- [Raven and the Tooth Fairy sit behind large piles of teeth. Nearby, on a bench, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Robin are laughing maniacally.]
- Tooth: You better get going. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. [Chomps on teeth.]
- Raven: So gross! [Notices the Titans are slobbering.] No choice. [Grabs one and grinds it against her teeth. It cracks and she eats it.] Whoa, this is really good. [Begins frantically eating teeth.]
- Tooth: My goodness, you have quite the appetite. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Raven: [Chomping on teeth.] You better stop talking and start eating. Mama's hungry. [Chomping on teeth.]
- [Raven gulps down three bowls of teeth while the Tooth Fairy hits a toothbrush, causing teeth to propel into her mouth. Raven throws teeth into the air and flies up, catching them in her mouth. The Tooth Fairy throws teeth into her mouth and Raven uses her tongue to eat the teeth in Starfire's hands. The Tooth Fairy opens a sink to shoot teeth into her mouth and then her wand to magically have teeth walk into her mouth. Raven uses her soul-self to create a funnel to her mouth where she scoops teeth into. The Tooth Fairy jumps out of a pile of teeth to eat some, but Raven swallows the entire pile in one massive bite. The two continue to eat as their piles reduce to a few teeth.]
- Tooth: Ahh, so full. Can't eat another. [Sadly.] Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.
- Raven: [Finishes her teeth.] Mmm-mmm. I win!
- Tooth: I can't believe you beat me.
- Raven: [Eats the rest of the Tooth Fairy's teeth.] Mmm, these scrumptious teeth made it easy. Mmm-mmm-mmm. I'd pay good money for these too. Maybe you're not a creep after all. I really misjudged you, Tooth Fairy.
- Tooth: It happens. Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta. Here are your friends' teeth. I already ate one of Beast Boy's.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Robin, Starfire: [Slobbering.]
- Raven: He'll never miss it.
- [Raven and the Tooth Fairy laugh. Some time later, the Titans have returned to their normal clothes and personalities and are sitting on the couch.]
- Beast Boy: Thanks for getting our teeth back, mama.
- Starfire: We should have never let our greed get the best of our smiles.
- Robin: [Nods.] You were right about the dignity of teeth, Raven.
- Cyborg: You can't put a price on 'em.
- Raven: But you can put a little salt on them. [Takes out a bucket of teeth and begins eating.] Yeah! Mmm! So good!
- [The other Titans shudder.]
- Beast Boy: Creepy.
- Raven: I'll give you a buck for your molar. [Evilly.] Ta-ta-ra-ta-ta.