Robin / Sassypants
Jump City Apartments
Robin becomes a cat for Starfire's affection
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Below is a full transcript for "Cat's Fancy".
- [A bomb in Jump City is counting down from 45.]
- Robin: Quick, Titans. If we don't disarm Doctor Light's light bomb, Jump City will be destroyed!
- Raven: Cool. Go for it.
- Robin: Me? Isn't Cyborg the tech guy?
- Cyborg: Who said I was the tech guy?
- Robin: Well, you're made of things and you like cars.
- Beast Boy: Maybe there's an off switch.
- Raven: I don't think bombs have off switches.
- Cyborg: That is so unsafe.
- Beast Boy: We all gonna die!
- Starfire: No, not this day. [Grabs the bomb and flies into the air.]
- Robin: Star!
- [Starfire flies the light bomb into space where she notices that the countdown reaches zero. It explodes, causing the Titans to gasp from below. Starfire lands nearby, creating a crater in the ground. Robin rushes over to check on her.]
- Robin: Starfire! Wake up. Wake up, Star. Oh, oh no. Star. [Begins crying, but Starfire begins gasping.] I thought I lost you before I had the chance to tell you all the things in my heart.
- Starfire: Robin.
- Robin: [Shushes Starfire.] From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew –
- Starfire: Robin. Is that a kitty?
- [Robin turns to see a white kitten at the edge of the crater. It meows.]
- Robin: Uh, uh, yes it is, but as I was saying –
- Starfire: Kitty! [Picks up the kitten.] Oh, so sweet. Oh, tiny nose. Tiny nose.
- Robin: Starfire, if you can forget about the cat for a second, I’m in the middle of professing my love.
- Starfire: He, he, he. Oh, oh, oh. I'll call you Nibbles.
- Robin: Hey, Starfire! [Whistles.] Eyes over here.
- Starfire: Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Mr. Nibbles. Oh, you're a sweet boy. Yes, you are. [Flies off.]
- Robin: Never mind.
- [Scene turns to a nighttime view on Titans Tower.]
- Starfire: Oh, kitty meow, meow, meow. Oh, meow, meow kitty. [Nibbles runs off and Starfire chases after him, laughing.]
- [Cyborg, Robin, Raven, and Beast Boy are sitting on the couch.]
- Cyborg: Man, she is really loving on that cat.
- Robin: Yeah. You think she'd ever show me that much affection?
- Raven: Maybe if you had whiskers and fish breath.
- Robin: Huh. [Checks his breath.] Become a cat. That's not a bad idea, Raven, and I already have the fish breath. [Breathes on Cyborg's face.]
- Cyborg: [Gags.] Dude! I would've taken your word for it.
- Beast Boy: Bro, cats are the worst. If you're gonna be an animal, be [transforms into a pu g.] a dog. Dogs are rad.
- Robin: I have to be a cat, Beast Boy. It's the only way Star will love me.
- Raven: Whoa, there, cuckoo bird. Are you seriously considering this?
- Robin: Of course!
- Beast Boy: But, if you're a cat, she'll be a cat lady. That's not just the relationship you want.
- Cyborg: Besides, how are you gonna turn yourself into a cat? Wish on a shooting star?
- Robin: Yes. A star wish. Perfect. [Runs to the window.] I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I was a cat. [A shooting star passes.] Huh!
- Raven: Beware what you wish for, Robin. You just may get it.
- [The next day, the Batman alarm clock blares. Robin reaches out to snooze it and sees that his hand has become a kitten paw.]
- Robin: Huh! I'm a cat. I'm a cat! Meow! Meow! Meow, meow, meow! I'm a cat! [Walks to a window where he sees he is still a human.] Huh! What?
- [Robin turns to see Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg laughing. Robin takes off one paw, revealing it to be a glove.]
- Raven: I can't believe you thought that wish was gonna turn you into a cat.
- Robin: But, the shooting star.
- Cyborg: [Laughs.] Shooting stars don't turn people into cats. [Laughs.] That's not science.
- Robin: [Throws down the glove and takes off the other.] Well, your little joke won't stop me! I'm gonna be a cat and Starfire is going to love me and we're going to be together forever! [Pushes the three out of his room.]
- Beast Boy: You're fooling yourself, dude. No fur, no whiskers, no cat.
- Robin: [Presses a button to close the door.]
- [The next day, Raven is reading a book, Cyborg is sitting, and Beast Boy is playing a video game on the couch. A paw turns off the lights.]
- Robin: [In a cat costume, walks over to the front of the couch.] Meow.
- Beast Boy: Bro! You went full cat?
- Robin: Reow-reow.
- Cyborg: Use your words! What is wrong with you, dude?
- Robin: Meow-meow-meow.
- Raven: [Uses powers to turn on the light.] Robin, Starfire is not gonna like you better as a cat.
- Starfire: [Enters holding Nibbles.] Oh! [Throws Nibbles.] Kitty! [Pets Robin.] Hello, Mr. Kitty. Oh, you have the cuteness time the power of ten.
- Robin: Meow.
- Cyborg: Ten? Please, he's seven times cute at most.
- Robin: Meow! [Swipes claws at Cyborg and hisses.]
- Starfire: Oh, feisty. I shall name you, Sassy Pants! [Tears Robin off the couch, causing it to rip.]
- Raven: Okay, Star, you know that's Robin, right?
- Starfire: Of course! But, he is a cat now! I cannot resist his charm. [Pokes Robin's nose.] I just can't. Come, sweet kitty. Let us play!
- Beast Boy: What just happened?!
- [A montage ensues. In the kitchen, Starfire points a laser and Sassy Pants chases after it. Cyborg fixes the couch, but Sassy Pants claws the armrest. Starfire opens a can of tuna and Sassy Pants, after eating trash, slides his bowl away so that it falls into his mouth. Raven watches nearby and shakes her head. Starfire tries bathing Sassy Pants, but he refuses to enter the tub. He meows and moves out of the way, causing Starfire to fall in. Sassy Pants licks his paw on Beast Boy's bed and is sprayed with water. He jumps off, but then pounces onto Beast Boy. Sassy Pants and Starfire dance together and she hugs him. Later, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire are sitting at the table.]
- Raven: Ever since Robin became a cat all he does is sleep.
- Cyborg: And he's so cruel too. So what if I can't get a date? That doesn't make me a loser.
- Beast Boy: I just wish he'd stop pushing me off tables.
- Cyborg: Well, I know just the thing to take our minds off it. [Walks to the oven and opens it.] Lasagna!
- Beast Boy: [Transforms into a dog and jumps onto the counter.]
- Robin: [Sniffs the lasagna and walks over to the oven. He kicks Beast Boy off the counter and eats the lasagna in one gulp.]
- Cyborg: Sassy Pants!
- Robin: [Thinking.] Mondays. [Drops the pan on Beast Boy’s head.]
- Starfire: [Playing with Sassy Pants with a toy mouse.] Oh ho. Hee-hee. Oh, Sassy Pants. You are being so fierce! [Laughs.]
- Cyborg: Look at him. He's turning Star into a cat lady!
- Beast Boy: And the only thing worse than a cat is a cat lady. We have to stop this!
- Raven: Well, I know for a fact Starfire would never choose a cat over us. [Beast Boy and Cyborg nod.] Hey, Star, no big deal, but your cat's giving me bad allergies.
- Robin: [Hisses.]
- Starfire: [Gasps.] The allergies? Oh, I am sorry, Raven. I will have to remove him from the tower.
- Beast Boy: Great. Just toss him out back near the garbage cans.
- Starfire: Oh, no. We will just find the new living arrangements.
- Cyborg: We?
- Starfire: Yes! Sassy Pants is the precious to me. I could never be without him.
- Robin: Meow. Meow. [Purrs.]
- Starfire: I love you too. Oh, yes I do. [Stuffs Sassy Pants into a crate.] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. Goodbye forever, friends. [Flies away.]
- Cyborg: His plan worked?!
- Beast Boy: This is crazy!
- [Several months later, Starfire has moved into Jump City Apartments with Sassy Pants and decorated it with kitten merchandise.]
- Starfire: [Enters the apartment, Starfire hair all frizzed up, she wears a purple sweatshirt with a purple cat on the center, she also wears pink sweatpants, completed with yellow cat slippers. ] Oh, Sassy Pants, you give me so much of the happiness.
- Robin: Meow.
- Starfire: I know you do not like it when I leave the house.
- Robin: [Nodding.] Meow.
- Starfire: I do not like it either, Sassy Pants, but I was buying my frozen meals for one when outside of the store I found a box of precious treasures.
- Robin: Meow?
- Starfire: More kitty friends!
- [Starfire opens the box and a pile of kitties soar out.]
- Robin: Meow! [Jumps back and pants.]
- Starfire: Oh, you are the sassy one indeed. Do not worry, Sassy Pants. [Hugs Sassy Pants.] You will always be my number one kitty. [A kitten meows. Drops Sassy Pants.] Come, kitties! Let us all play! Meow, meow, meow!
- [Several more months later, Starfire has gotten more cats and is sitting when a knock is heard.]
- Starfire: Visitors? I am filled with the anxiety. [Many cats begin meowing as she opens the door.] Oh, it is only the friends. [Unhooks the lock and opens the door fully.] It has been so long.
- Cyborg: Hey. We're worried about you, Star. Come home with us.
- Starfire: Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't possibly do that. I need my own space to care for all my little babies. I had nearly forgotten. It is your din-din time. Excuse me, friends, but I must prepare their meals.
- Raven: [Spots Sassy Pants under a table.] Sassy Pants! Get out here right now!
- Robin: [Retreats further under the table.] Meow.
- Cyborg: Come on. [Takes out a ball of yarn.] Come on, kitty witty.
- Robin: [Pounces on the ball of yarn.]
- Beast Boy: Bruh, look what you've done. You took a cool lady alien and turned her into a gross cat lady. That's just wrong.
- Robin: Meow.
- Cyborg: This can't be the relationship you had in mind.
- Robin: [Looks around.]
- Raven: If you care about Starfire at all, you'll take off the cat suit.
- Robin: [Licks himself.] Meow.
- Raven: Uh, he's hopeless. Come on, guys, let's go.
- Robin: [Walks up to the window and watches the Titans walking to the T-Car. Sees his reflection.] Whoa. Is that me? What have I done? Starfire loves me, but only as a cat lady. She's so much more than a cat lady, and I am so much more than a cat! [Takes off hood.] I need to set things right, and I know exactly how to do it! [Puts on a dog suit.] Woof, woof, woof! [Growls. Chases the cats out of the apartment.] Woof! Woof!
- Starfire: Din-din time for the kitty babies. Oh, come get your yum-yum-yums. Kitties? [Looks around.]
- Robin: [Hiding behind the couch. Grabs a can, scribbles something, and throws it onto Starfire's head.]
- Starfire: [Reads that the kitties have left.] My babies have departed! Oh, the sad times are here! I truly have nothing in this world without the love of my sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet kitties.
- Robin: [Barks as he runs towards Starfire.]
- Starfire: [Gasps.] Puppy! [Her clothes return to normal and she pets him.] Oh, who is the good boy? Who is the best boy? Oh, come puppy, let us breathe the fresh air together!
- [Starfire is playing with Robin, still in the dog suit, in a park while Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy stand nearby.]
- Starfire: Oh, good boy. Good boy! [Pets Robin.] Good boy! Good boy!
- Beast Boy: At lease she’s not a cat lady anymore.
- [The ball rolls toward Raven and she picks it up. Robin jumps in front of them.]
- Cyborg: I hope you learned something from all this, Robin.
- Robin: [Sits up and tilts head in confusion.] Aroo?
- Raven: Oh, whatever. Go get it. [Throws ball and Robin runs after it.] When you live with pets, there's never a dull moment.
- [The sounds of screeching tires, yelps, and a thud is heard.]