Pizza Deliverer #2
Teen Titans court trial.
|This transcript is partially completed.|
- Robin: Brother Blood is nearby, Titans. If we don't stop him, our beloved city will be destroyed. Fan out, and find him!
- Cyborg: He's not in here!
- Beast Boy: He's not in here either!
- Raven: All clear!
- Robin: We have to find him before he destroys the city!
- Brother Blood: Before I destroy the city?
- Robin: Brother Blood!
- Brother Blood: Look upon the damage you have wrought, Titans!
- Raven: Well, sometimes you have to do what's wrong to do what's right.
- Brother Blood: This is millions of dollars in property damage.
- Starfire: Enough of the talk!
- Brother Blood: Don't you see, Titans? You are the real menace to Jump City, and that's why I lured you here.
- Beast Boy: Ugh? What's lured mean?
- Brother Blood: It's a fancy way of saying this is a trap!
- Cyborg: A trap? Nice one. I did not see that coming! Up high, BB!
- Brother Blood: OK, up high. Way to go, dude. Now, it's time for the Teen Titans to answer for their crimes.
- Robin: What...What is this?
- Brother Blood: This...is the trial of the Titans!
- Brother Blood: Yes, Titans.
- Brother Blood: Are you done?
- Unknown voice: All rise, for Judge Brain.
- Brain: Teen Titans. You stand accused of the careless destruction of Jump City. If you are found guilty, you will be sentenced...to death!
- Cyborg: Death?!
- Beast Boy: Aw, that's the worst!
- Raven: I can handle that.
- Brain: The prosecution can proceed, with it's opening statement.
- Brother Blood: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I intend to prove that the Teen Titans are not the protectors of Jump City as they claim! In their pursuit of justice, they destroy everything in their path with careless disregard for the safety of the city. They, not we, are the true villains!
- Starfire: [Starfire cries] He is the right. We are the monsters! [Starfire continues to cry]
- Raven: We make me sick!
- Beast Boy: Guilty, so guilty.
- Cyborg: Lock us up!
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: Lock us up! Lock us up!
- Robin: Quiet! What is wrong with you?!
- Beast Boy: He made a compelling argument, yo.
- Robin: You call that compelling? Then prepare to have your opinions swayed by a...master orator! [Clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you are being asked to judge us today, and I suppose we're all easy to judge. Take me for example. I'm short. I can be obsessive at times. My pants are too tight. Sure, my breath is repulsive and I always smell like I just got back from the gym, so moist. And yes, I have some back hair, but it's not too much.
- Robin: I nervously bite my toenails and they get stuck in my teeth. I'm so pale, you can see my veins. Look! Look at my veins! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at my veins! I don't know what it's like to love, or to be loved. That's why I go to bed at night, wondering if I'm going to die alone, and of course, I will. Anyway...where was I going with this? Oh, right, you can't handle the truth! Thank you.
- Robin: I think I won them over.
- Brain: The prosecution may call the first witness.
- Brother Blood: The prosecution calls Starfire, your honor.
- Starfire: Oh, friends, what if I say the incorrect wordings?
- Raven: We're the heroes here, Star. We have nothing to hide. Just be honest.
- Brother Blood: Tell me, Starfire. Do the Titans cause unnecessary damage when fighting crime?
- Starfire: Oh, very much, yes.
- Raven: Too honest!
- Brother Blood: Your witness.
- Robin: Miss Starfire. I have only one question for you, and remember, you are under oath. Will you go out with me?
- Starfire: No.
- Robin:And yet, you went out with me the other day, did you not?
- Starfire: As the friends.
- Robin: Am I really to believe it wasn't as more than friends?
- Starfire: Yes.
- Robin: And yet, on that same day, you touched my elbow.
- Starfire: That is true.
- Robin: Then just tell the truth! Do you love me?
- Starfire: Platonically.
- Robin: Answer the question. Do you love me?!
- Starfire: Like the brother.
- Robin: [yells] Answer the question. Do you love me?!
- Brother Blood: Objection!
- Brain: On what grounds?
- Brother Blood: On the grounds that this is just embarrassing for everyone.
- Brain: Sustained. Yikes!
- Robin: No further questions, your honor.
- Brain: The defense may proceed.
- Robin: Your honor, I would like to call a character witness. Beast Boy.
- Beast Boy: Oh, only if my man, Cyborg comes too.
- Robin: You can't do that.
- Beast Boy: Your honor, will you tell this fool we is a packaged deal.
- Brain: They are a packaged deal, counsel. Proceed.
- Cyborg: Whoo! Let's take the stand, baby! Uh! Yeah! [continues singing]
- Beast Boy: Uh-huh, that's how we do it. I'ma tell the truth. And nothin' but the truth, so help me, help me, help me.
- Robin: Beast Boy, as a character witness, you would say the Titans are good people? Correct?
- Beast Boy: Uh...I would say four out of the five Titans are good people. Wouldn't you agree, Cy?
- Cyborg: I believe that is an accurate statement, yes.
- Robin: Four of the five?
- Beast Boy: Well, there's one Titan, and I'm not naming names, but his name is Robin, and he's a real butt sometimes.
- Robin: Objection!
- Brain: You cannot object. They are your witnesses.
- Beast Boy: Oh, you can't object, Robin.
- Cyborg and Beast Boy: [laughing at Robin]
- Brain: Order in the court!
- Cyborg: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries! Oh!
- Brain: Order!
- Beast Boy: Give me a strawberry shake! Oh! [high fives Cyborg]
- Beast Boy: Shake it, shake it, shake it!
- Brain: We will take a short recess.
- Robin: I think it's going well out there.
- Starfire: It has been the good life, friends.
- Raven: We had a solid run.
- Cyborg: I'm gonna miss you so much, little buddy.
- Beast Boy: Oh, bro. I love you and I'll always love you.
- Robin: Keep it together, Titans. I've got an ace up my sleeve. I've seen enough courtroom drama movies to know juries don't care about facts. They just want a good show. And that's what I'm going to give them.
- Beast Boy: How are you going to put on a show, bro?!
- Robin: Can you do a New York accent?
- Raven: [speaks in a New York accent] What's it to you?
- Robin: And do you know anything about cars?
- Raven: Yeah, my grandfather was a mechanic, my two uncles were mechanics, and my father was a mechanic, before he became an interdimensional demon.
- Robin: Great. Just follow my lead.
- Brother Blood: So, Robin, are you ready to confess to your crimes?
- Robin: Never! Your honor, I'd like to call one last witness. Raven.
- Robin: Miss Raven, can you tell me what this is?
- Raven: It's a 1971 Skyhawk.
- Robin: Don't forget the accent.
- Raven: Oh. [clears throat and starts speaking in a New York accent] It's a 1971 Skyhawk.
- Robin: And is there any way that this car, made these tire marks?
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent] Absolutely, not.
- Robin: Ha-ha. I find it hard to believe you can know that, just by looking at these pictures.
- Raven: [Speaking in a New York accent] Would you like me to explain?
- Robin: Ooh, I would love to hear this.
- Brother Blood: Objection! This is irrelevant.
- Brain: Overruled! I'd like to see where this is going.
- Raven: [continues speaking in a New York accent] There's no way a 1971 Skyhawk made those tire marks. See how they're uniform and flat?
- Beast Boy: How can she tell all that just by looking at a picture.
- Cyborg: Who cares?! The jury is eating this up! Look at the chemistry. This is entertainment.
- Raven: [continues speaking in a New York accent] ...only one other car had the same body, weight, and wheel base as the Skyhawk. And that was, the Enfield Hurricane.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Starfire: [cheering]
- Robin: Thank you, Raven. [laughs] No more questions.
- Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire: [continues cheering]
- Brain: The jury has reached a decision.
- Robin: I did it!
- [Robin imagines that he won every race, even Batman giving him a thumbs-up.]
- [His fantasy comes to a sad end when the Brain pounds his mallet.]
- Brain: Guilty.